I think it’s not bad. Though for a chapter you seem to setup the intent of the story pretty well. Though id comment that going with arable crops is a bit weird. I’m assuming you’re going with top soil degradation? Which is fine and I think is great. The idea of a one world government is also kinda out there no offense. But it fits with cyberpunk to a degree. Still I guess there are a lot of things the first issue doesn’t do well. Is this a multicharacter story or a single one? We only see the character who seems protagonist for a short bit which is fine for a prologue but for I know absolutely nothing about the guy himself or what the story is even about. Anyways I think it’s good for what your working with. A post climate change world though I feel it’s missed is mark to an extent that’s not really as big of a deal. I know that these things cost time and money saying these things feels mean and I know it can hurt. But for a first chapter there just isn’t really anything here to tell me more. Nowadays as well 12 pages is a bit short and I know it can cost hundreds of dollars per each one. Sorry if this seems harsh.
the_following_is
What do you mean when you say going with arable-crops is a bit weird?
It starts a a single character piece. The narrator is also the baby in the woman’s lap.
How do you feel it’s missed its mark?
This is helpful
Kryosleeper
The drawing is nice, and some panels are more than nice.
The writing… I didn’t like it. Especially the old couple dialog just doesn’t feel like people who lived together for many years talking to each other. They won’t have to make that much explanations by now.
A side note since it touches the oppressive part – remember people singing about covid lockdowns, or articles on climate damage done by having kids? That’s how heroic and positive moving people from developed countries into slums will look like in the setting you present. All those piles of trash and death squads – it’s from 1984, and we’re in Brave New World nowadays.
3 Comments
I think it’s not bad. Though for a chapter you seem to setup the intent of the story pretty well. Though id comment that going with arable crops is a bit weird. I’m assuming you’re going with top soil degradation? Which is fine and I think is great. The idea of a one world government is also kinda out there no offense. But it fits with cyberpunk to a degree. Still I guess there are a lot of things the first issue doesn’t do well. Is this a multicharacter story or a single one? We only see the character who seems protagonist for a short bit which is fine for a prologue but for I know absolutely nothing about the guy himself or what the story is even about. Anyways I think it’s good for what your working with. A post climate change world though I feel it’s missed is mark to an extent that’s not really as big of a deal. I know that these things cost time and money saying these things feels mean and I know it can hurt. But for a first chapter there just isn’t really anything here to tell me more. Nowadays as well 12 pages is a bit short and I know it can cost hundreds of dollars per each one. Sorry if this seems harsh.
What do you mean when you say going with arable-crops is a bit weird?
It starts a a single character piece. The narrator is also the baby in the woman’s lap.
How do you feel it’s missed its mark?
This is helpful
The drawing is nice, and some panels are more than nice.
The writing… I didn’t like it. Especially the old couple dialog just doesn’t feel like people who lived together for many years talking to each other. They won’t have to make that much explanations by now.
A side note since it touches the oppressive part – remember people singing about covid lockdowns, or articles on climate damage done by having kids? That’s how heroic and positive moving people from developed countries into slums will look like in the setting you present. All those piles of trash and death squads – it’s from 1984, and we’re in Brave New World nowadays.