Cyberpunk, to me, is what I needed.
20 years ago, I found freedom in video games. Specifically KOTOR II showed me I could be free. And as hard as I could try, I tried to be free. At 8 years old, I couldn't have realized the impact of what being free really meant to me.
10 years ago, I thought I had lost that freedom. Everything I tried to make my life into wound up eaten up and shit out into a dumpster. I was scared, alone and didn't think I had the strength to move on.
At 23, I rediscovered that feeling picking up K2 again. But, I was still holding back. People used me, spat on my name, hell dragged me through the mud when they could. But through it all, K2 was there. To remind me that I can make my environment be a product of myself.
At 26, everyone had abandoned me. I was homeless, cold, alone, and was truly scared that one day, I might kill myself. That one final push would drive me over the edge and I would go out with a whimper. I'm not sure what stopped me that day, but something welled up inside me and exploded.
For 3 years now, I have made MY choices. Those choices and that confidence in myself and my abilities have led me to this point. I refused to let corpo fucks, wannabe corpo fucks and lame ass nothings tell me how to live my life, what to shoot for in my life. 3 years I have built my rep.
When I picked up CP2077 last year, I cried. Not because the story was sad, but because I understood V on an emotional level. To me, V wants freedom. On how to live, how to act and how to survive. When I saw him in the beginning, I cried. A nomad wandering, just trying to find the one place, the one thing, to be free. I cried because I understood him.
When I saw the ending, I felt something I had never felt before. Uncertainty. Uncertain of how to proceed, knowing he has a ticking bomb in his head. But more importantly, he got to choose. Choose the way he goes, on his time, based on his rules. To me, V gets to the Crystal Palace. To me V, if he does go down, he won't go down with a whimper. V will go down with a bang. A giant, 20 megaton fucking bang aimed straight up the ass of those corpo fucks.
I cried, because I understood V. And to me, that is the story of V.
8 Comments
Cyber punk speaks to my soul
Beautiful and heart wrenching story and I’m so sorry life has been like that for you. That being said, I’m so glad you’ve found strength and solace in these games, especially Cyberpunk 2077.
Beneath all the memes and action, many games, particularly this one, have such deep and nuanced story telling with incredible moments that are grounded by real human emotions and struggles.
I’m certain that the writers and developers and voice actors and artists would all be immensely proud of you and so happy that their work has had such a positive impact on your confidence and your life trajectory.
Keep going man, we’re all in this together.
(Meanwhile I’m over here customising v to look like me cause I wanna see what I look like with a bigger penis and mantis blades)
In all seriousness I’m glad you found a game to relate to so much.
Damn you made me cry hehehe
Seriously, I hope your life is better from now on and I’m glad that you will always try to get to the top, just like V