>be me, Intel
>world domination status: achieved
>have a license to print money with x86
>life is good
>be 2007, some fruit company named Apple shows up
>"hey can you make a chip for our new phone?"
>my CFO brain activates
>look at their offer… pathetic
>my margins! my beautiful margins!
>"lmao no," I tell them, "get that low volume, low margin peasant shit out of my office"
>tell them to go bother some Korean foundry
>they call it the "iPhone"
>it only sells, like, a bazillion units
>oops.mp4
>should have listened to my gut, but my gut was too busy counting shareholder dividends
>speaking of shareholders
>CEO is now a finance bro
>innovation is for nerds, stock buybacks are for chads
>spend $36 billion to make line go up
>R&D? how about R&Buyback
>TSMC and Samsung are building fabs? cute.
>we're building value for our shareholders
>meanwhile, in the basement…
>be AMD, literally on life support
>selling their HQ to pay the rent
>"hey guys what if we made a good CPU for once?"
>entire Intel leadership room dies of laughter
>we're still milking 14nm++++ for the fifth year in a row
>what are they gonna do, beat us with… checks notes… core count and efficiency?
>HQ focused on PPT presentations and buybacks
>R&D team: "hey we have this 10nm design but it's kinda… impossible to manufacture?"
>me: "JUST MAKE IT WORK, I HAVE A DIVIDEND TO ANNOUNCE"
>requirement: quadruple the transistor density, tooling: from the stone age, yield: literally negative
>"10nm is fine, everything is fine" for five years
>entire company is stuck on 14nm++++++++
>watching AMD just call TSMC and get a shiny new 7nm node like it's nothing
>suddenly, AMD's "Zen" thing is actually good
>gamers and redditors are calling me a "dead company walking"
>my stock is in freefall
>panic.jpg
>hire back Based Pat Gelsinger to save us
>Pat comes in: "what in the goddamn…"
>find out we're now outsourcing our own chips to TSMC
>mfw we missed mobile, lost the process lead, got rekt by AMD, and our grand plan is to ask the government for money
>mfw we're now a fabless fab with an identity crisis
>mfw the once-proud "Intel Inside" is now "TSMC Inside"
>at least the shareholders had some good quarters
>company_cope.jpg
Originally posted on twitter (the right name) by @ zephyr_z9