I was on the cusp of adulthood when Neopets hit the internet in 1999, and so I wasn’t exactly in the target demographic despite owning a Tamagotchi just a few years earlier. That said, I was following the development of a late (2003) PS1 3D platformer based on the franchise. It was running so late that Sony shifted development to the PS2, to, and I quote, “make the graphics better.” By the time that arrived eventually in 2005, Neopets were but a hazy memory. A near-miss from my teenage years, as it were.
It seems that in the years that have followed, the Neopets site has bounced between investment firms, all lured in by the vast amount of traffic it summons. We’ve reached the point where once popular web-based mini games are now being remastered, although whether this is for the benefit of older or newer fans is difficult to say. One of the selling points in this collection is that scores can be uploaded to the current Neopets site in return for credits, so it seems to be geared more towards today’s Neopet loving youths rather than a potential nostalgia kick for long-time fans. While we could chalk it up as a preservation package, I’m more inclined to believe it’s merely a quick and easy way to recycle a bunch of already existing ideas.
What we have here, then, is a collection of 26 very basic one-button mini-games – all of which still have a slight whiff of ‘Y2K-era Flash’ about them. Not only are there no polygons in sight, but also a noticeable lack of animation, with some mini-games resorting to static images. Many also have no music, while sound effects flitter between annoying and shrill. Even this collection’s sole new and exclusive mini-game isn’t up to much, being a tired riff on Guitar Hero that lazily stitches two regular in-game music tracks together, one of which sounds like a poor cover version of SpongeBob’s Honolulu March. So, these definitely aren’t remakes; they’re 1:1 remasters that boast higher resolution images and little else outside of controller support.
The story mode takes around two hours to finish and sees three of the Neopets – including one named AAA, which I assumed was merely a high-score table default at first – travelling around the globe in search of tokens. Only when enough have been collected can the Starlight Festival – which entails said Guitar Hero alike – take place. Locations on the map are coated by clouds, and so it’s always a mystery where you’ll be heading next. Not that it matters much, as each location simply provides a number of mini-games to play, varying from as many as four and as few as one. Each has a target score to beat, and you can retry as many times as needed. A few have optional difficulty settings, and some even have two player modes. Every mini-game can be replayed freely, but not until unlocking the Arcade hub upon completion.
The quality of the mini-games varies from tolerable to poor. None are outright unplayable – although a snowball fight with white projectiles, a white targeting reticule, and a white background did come close – but there’s not much to stir the imagination either. The best of the bunch includes a colour-mixing take on Pipemania, and a match-three puzzler where coloured gems are affixed to a spinning axis. A clone of Mr. Driller showed potential at first, only to suffer from delayed actions. The same goes for a fruity take on Puyo Puyo, the mechanics for which were also hard to decipher. Then there’s the card game similar to solitaire and regular ol’ mah-jong that don’t fit thematically with the rest. Special mention also goes to a Puzzle Bobble alike that doesn’t allow you to switch between the two bubbles loaded into the cannon, making matches incredibly drawn out.
The target scores to beat are fair, being one of the few things this package gets right. Most games can be beaten on the second or third attempt, with the first try usually failing due to the need to acquaint oneself with the occasionally wayward physics, which vary from game to game.
Usually, remasters of games hold great appeal to the original audience, but this collection goes completely against that idea. People who played these web-games back in, let’s say, 2002 aren’t going to find them fun as an adult in 2026 – they’ve always been basic, and if anything, they’re going to come across even more so now. And it’s due to this simplistic nature that I have reservations about how long it’ll keep today’s easily distracted youth occupied – even with integration with the Neopets site kept in mind.
I’m sure someone out there wanted these games to return and be brought to consoles. I just don’t know who exactly, as it doesn’t seem that it’ll appeal to those who played them first time around, nor those who’ve only just discovered Neopets. It’s all a bit baffling.
No Gravity Games’ Neopets – Mega Mini Games Collection – The Neopian Arcade Odyssey is out 26th March on all formats. Published by Sidewalk Games. A retail version is available for PS5 and Switch.